Have you ever received feedback on something you wrote and felt your stomach drop?
Maybe you thought you’d done a good job. Maybe you’d spent months, or years, working on it. You finally felt ready to show it to someone else.
Then the comments came back.
Something needed to be rewritten. A section wasn’t working. An idea wasn’t as clear as you thought it was. Maybe there were pages of comments.
And suddenly, the feedback didn’t feel like it was about the manuscript anymore.
It felt like it was about you.
Editing feels personal because writing is personal. When you’ve invested your ideas, experience, creativity, and time in a manuscript, feedback about the manuscript can feel like feedback about you.
But an editor is responding to the work on the page, not judging your worth or your ability as a writer.
Why Does Editing Feel So Personal?
When you write a book, you’re making hundreds of decisions about the story, information, structure, characters, instructions, and words you choose.
If you’re writing about something you know well—a children’s book, cookbook, craft book, or how-to book—you’ve also invested your knowledge and experience in the manuscript.
So when someone questions something you’ve written, it’s understandable to feel defensive.
An editor may question a character’s motivation, and you may think, But I know exactly why she did that.
A cookbook editor may point out that a recipe is missing a step, and you may think, I’ve made this recipe dozens of times. I know how to make it.
A craft editor may say an instruction isn’t clear, and you may think, Anyone who knows this technique will understand what I mean.
You know what you meant.
Your editor doesn’t.
Your editor has the manuscript.
That difference matters.
When “Do It Again” Doesn’t Feel Encouraging
I’ve experienced this from several sides.
I’ve been the student who handed in an essay and waited for the teacher to return it. I’ve been the teacher who marked up those essays and handed them back to students who weren’t always happy with what they saw. Now I’m the editor who returns manuscripts covered in comments and suggestions.
As a writing coach, I also help writers work through the places where they get stuck.
I’ve been on both sides of the desk.
When my daughters and grandson were students, they sometimes gave me essays to read because they wanted my help. They’d hand me something they were proud of. I’d read it, mark it up, hand it back, and say:
“Do it again.”
They didn’t always appreciate that response.
I understood why.
They thought they’d done a good job. They’d finished the assignment and were ready to move on.
And I was telling them they weren’t finished.
My college English students sometimes experienced something similar when they received an essay or exam and didn’t get the grade or feedback they expected. They could see the grade as a judgment of their writing, and sometimes of themselves.
But I wasn’t saying they couldn’t write.
I was saying they had more work to do.
Authors can experience the same thing when an editor returns a manuscript.
The author may hear:
My writing isn’t good enough.
The editor may mean:
Something on this page isn’t giving the reader the experience you intended.
Those aren’t the same thing.
You Know What You Meant. Your Reader Doesn’t.
One of the hardest parts of writing is seeing your own work the way someone else will.
You know the story in your head. You know the information you intended to include. You know why a character made a particular decision. You know how a recipe is supposed to work or how a craft project is supposed to come together.
Your reader doesn’t have access to any of that.
Neither does your editor.
Sometimes information is in your head but not on the page. Sometimes you’ve explained something later in the manuscript that the reader needed earlier. Sometimes you’ve become so familiar with your subject that you’ve forgotten what a less-experienced reader needs to know.
That’s not a character flaw.
It’s one reason writers need readers.
It’s also one reason an outside perspective can be so valuable during revision.
In How to Evaluate Your Manuscript Like a First-Time Reader, I discuss the difference between writer intention and reader experience. Writers know the background and purpose behind their words. Readers only know what’s on the page.
That difference is especially important in children’s books, cookbooks, and craft or how-to books, where readers need to understand, follow, or experience the material without having access to the author’s knowledge.
Sometimes the Hardest Feedback Is “You’re Not Finished”
There’s another reason editing can feel personal: sometimes an author thinks the manuscript is finished.
Maybe you’ve written one draft. Maybe you’ve revised it several times. Maybe you’ve been working on it for years.
Then an editor says, in one way or another, There’s more work to do.
That can be disappointing, especially when you thought you were done.
But revision isn’t a sign that you failed at writing.
Revision is writing.
Writing often means drafting, stepping away, revising, getting feedback, reconsidering what you’ve written, and revising again.
You can spend years on a manuscript and still discover that it needs work.
That’s writing.
The important question isn’t whether you’ve revised enough in some absolute sense. It’s whether your manuscript is ready for the kind of feedback or editing you need next.
If you’re wondering whether you’ve revised enough before seeking professional feedback, Have You Revised Enough—or Are You Stuck in a Revision Loop? explores that question in more detail.
Sometimes the best next step isn’t more sentence-level polishing. It may be stepping back and looking at the manuscript as a whole.
How Can You Handle Editing Feedback Without Taking It Personally?
You may not be able to prevent the first emotional reaction.
You can, however, decide what you do next.
- Let yourself react.
If feedback disappoints or frustrates you, that’s okay. You care about your work. Give yourself a little time before deciding what the comments mean or what you’re going to do about them.
- Don’t respond immediately.
You don’t have to defend every sentence the moment you read a comment.
Read the feedback. Take a break. Come back to it later.
Sometimes a comment that initially feels harsh makes more sense once you’ve had time to process it.
- Separate the manuscript from yourself.
A problem with a section of your manuscript doesn’t mean there’s a problem with you as a writer.
Try changing:
I’m a bad writer.
to:
Something here isn’t working yet.
That small shift can change how you approach revision.
- Ask what the reader experienced.
Instead of asking, Why doesn’t she understand what I meant?, ask:
What did she experience when she read this?
Where did she hesitate?
What information was missing?
What made the section unclear?
Those questions move your attention from defending your intention to understanding the reader.
- Decide what serves the manuscript.
You don’t have to accept every suggestion simply because an editor made it.
An editor’s recommendation is a professional perspective—not a command.
Consider the reasoning behind the feedback and decide whether the change would strengthen your manuscript.
I’ve written more about this in Should You Accept Every Editing Suggestion? What Every Author Should Know.
The goal isn’t to agree with every comment.
The goal is to understand what the comment is telling you.
Feedback Can Build a Wall
This is the part that concerns me most as an editor and writing coach.
Feedback can build walls.
When a writer sees a manuscript covered in comments, it’s easy to stop seeing those comments as information about the manuscript and start seeing them as evidence that the writer isn’t good enough.
Once that happens, a writer may defend every sentence, reject every suggestion, or accept every change without considering whether it actually works for the book.
None of those responses is particularly helpful.
That’s why I don’t want to add to the wall.
My job isn’t to tell a writer “You can’t do this.”
My job is to help the writer see what I see and understand why I’m responding to it.
Then the writer can decide what to do with that information.
Sometimes that means explaining a recommendation. Sometimes it means asking a question. Sometimes it means pointing out a problem without prescribing the exact solution.
And sometimes it means helping the writer work through a problem that has become difficult to see from inside the manuscript.
That’s where editing and coaching overlap for me.
Knowing It’s Not Personal Doesn’t Always Make It Feel Better
You may understand that editorial feedback isn’t a judgment of your ability as a writer.
You may even agree that the editor has identified a real problem.
It can still hurt.
Knowing something isn’t personal and feeling that it isn’t personal are two different things.
When you’ve poured time and creativity into a manuscript, criticism can be difficult to hear, even when the criticism is useful.
You don’t have to pretend otherwise.
You can feel disappointed, frustrated, or defensive and still consider the feedback thoughtfully.
The goal isn’t to stop having an emotional reaction.
The goal is to keep that reaction from making your decisions for you.
Give yourself time to react. Then come back to the feedback and ask what the editor is seeing that you might have missed.
If you’ve never worked with an editor before, What Should Authors Expect From Editorial Feedback? can also help you understand what professional feedback may look like and why an editor makes the comments they do.
What I Want Authors to Take Away
I don’t expect an author to be delighted when I tell them something needs work.
I’ve been the student. I know better than that.
I want the author to get past the first reaction and begin asking questions:
What is she seeing that I didn’t see?
Why did this section stop her?
What isn’t clear to the reader?
Is there another way I can solve this problem?
Sometimes the answer may be that the editor’s suggestion doesn’t fit.
That’s okay.
An editor can notice something without being automatically right about the solution. A recommendation is a professional perspective, not a command.
What matters is that the writer has thought about the issue rather than simply reacting to it.
That’s what I mean when I talk about helping writers become more confident.
Confidence doesn’t mean believing that everything you write is good.
It means believing that when something isn’t working, you can figure out what to do next.
That’s a very different kind of confidence.
Good Editing Should Help You Move Forward
As a student, I learned what it feels like to get a marked-up paper back.
As a teacher, I learned what it feels like to hand one back.
Now, as an editor and writing coach, I see both sides of that exchange.
I don’t want to build a wall between a writer and the manuscript.
I want to help tear it down.
Because behind that wall is a writer who is still capable of thinking, questioning, revising, learning, and finding a way forward.
That’s the writer I want to reach.
Good editing isn’t about changing everything an editor notices. It’s about understanding what matters to the manuscript, what matters to the reader, and what will actually make the book stronger.
Editing should strengthen the writer, not just the manuscript.
If you’re at the point where you know something isn’t working in your manuscript but you’re too close to it to see what, you don’t have to figure it out alone. A manuscript evaluation or coaching session can help you understand what your manuscript needs and what to do next.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does editing feel so personal?
Editing can feel personal because authors invest their ideas, experience, creativity, time, and effort in their manuscripts. When an editor identifies problems or suggests changes, authors may hear the feedback as criticism of themselves rather than as information about the manuscript.
Why does editorial feedback sometimes hurt?
Authors know what they intended to say, while editors respond to what is actually on the page. Discovering that a reader may not understand something as intended can be frustrating, especially after a long period of writing and revision.
Is it normal to feel defensive about editing feedback?
Yes. Feeling defensive doesn’t mean you can’t accept feedback. It often means you care about your work. The important step is to move beyond the first reaction and consider what the editor is seeing and why.
How can I handle editing feedback without taking it personally?
Give yourself time to react before making decisions. Then return to the feedback and consider what the editor experienced as a reader. Separate problems in the manuscript from your identity as a writer, ask questions when you don’t understand a comment, and decide what will strengthen the manuscript.
What if an editor tells me I need more revision?
Needing more revision doesn’t mean you aren’t a good writer. Revision is part of writing. An editor may identify problems you can’t see because you’re too close to the manuscript.
Should I accept every suggestion my editor makes?
No. An editor’s suggestions are professional recommendations, not instructions you must follow. Consider the reasoning behind the feedback and decide what serves your manuscript. If you’re unsure whether an editor’s recommendation is right for your book, read Can an Editor Be Wrong About My Manuscript?
About Cassie Armstrong
Cassie Armstrong is the owner of MorningStar Editing LLC and has more than nineteen years of experience helping authors strengthen their manuscripts through manuscript evaluations, coaching, copyediting, proofreading, and mentoring.
She specializes in children’s books, cookbooks, and craft and how-to books and combines her publishing experience with a teacher’s perspective to help authors understand what their manuscripts need and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
Her philosophy is simple:
Editing should strengthen the writer, not just the manuscript.